April 5th, 2008
dude...
Posted by goDWin at 01:10 PM on April 5, 2008.
i miss the guys.
for the past two years, but more significantly over the past year, the majority of my friends have been female. this has been for a number of reasons: all of the guys i hung out with were my age or older, almost every one of them either went to grad school elsewhere or worked elsewhere upon graduation, i didn't really connect with any of the guys in my med school class last year, my roommate is a girl so there are simply more girls around...so now i find myself in the current situation where the only guy friends i have don't live in the same city, much less the same state as me. it's all chicks, all the time.
don't get me wrong. i didn't have a problem with this at first. friends are friends, and i was just happy to make new ones and become better acquainted with my existing ones, even if for the most part they happened to only be girls. in reality i didn't even notice it while the transition first started happening. it was only after a little while that i realized i didn't really have a group of guys to hang with, not like in the past. sure, i'd gather with some guys every once in awhile, for a poker game, or if a good buddy came into town for the weekend, but it was never a thing where i could just call a guy friend and say hey let's go grab a beer or something. it's different hanging out with girls. and at the time, that's all it was, just different, not any worse or better. so while i missed guy friends, i was still ok with all the girl friends that i had made.
but now...it's different. they're cool people, and i'm not hating on girls...but i'm getting tired of it. i'm tired of having to watch what i say, and when i say something wrong (which happens more and more now as i don't feel like holding my tongue) i'm tired of apologizing. i'm tired of the veiled insults weaved into observations or comments that girls like to throw out. i'm tired of the endless mind-numbing gossip. i'm tired of the zero-to-skank phenomenon that happens every time they drink. i'm tired of the drama. i feel like someone tossed me into a sex and the city episode. it's horrible. and you know what? it's my fault for being comfortable with it at first and not taking initiative to force myself to make friends with some of my med school classmates, for not being more ardent in staying in touch with the good guy friends that were still somewhat in the area like in raleigh or cary, for choosing a girl to be my roommate for this year, and probably for next year as well since i'm not moving and she wants to stay too. i have no one to blame but myself.
next year, with a new med school class, is my last chance for awhile, i think. oh please please please please let me meet some cool guys...i don't know how much more i can take without turning into a complete hermit.
but on a more positive note...GO TARHEELS!
March 31st, 2008
Posted by goDWin at 10:24 AM on March 31, 2008.
From my understanding, something like a Vision Statement requires the integration of a person’s motivations and personal values with their professional interests. In a sense, you can’t have an effective Vision Statement with understanding and accepting yourself and your place in life. If you’ve ever seen Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, he describes the various stages of human need in a pyramid. At the very top is the concept of self-actualization, whereby only after fulfilling all of the needs below is a person able to “realize his potential” and “give back to society” in an effort to become a moral, creative, mature human being. So from what I can see, you pretty much have to have reached that top section of the pyramid in order to even think about writing a Vision Statement.
I can honestly say that I’m not there yet. I don’t think I’ve ever been there. Someone who counsels people told me that you’ll never be able to help others if you haven’t finished helping yourself. It’s why I go into this assignment with such concern. I could lie, say that I know myself and know exactly what I want out of my life, say that I know exactly how I plan to integrate my degrees and address the needs of population health. I could say that I know exactly what I value and what motivates me. I could lie, or I could just say that beyond the most general things – life, family – I don’t know what I value or what serves as a motivator for me, and that beyond knowing that I probably don’t want to spend all of my working years in the clinic after having my “eyes opened” through this HC&P program, I don’t know in what capacity I best want to utilize these dual degrees.
What I do know is that for the majority of my life, one thing has never changed: I want to help people. It’s my passion and it’s the one thing I have right. If I can have a vision without being sure of who I am and without knowing what I value, then that is my vision: simply to make lives better for the people I come in contact with. As I’ve said many times, pursuing an MD seemed the most logical choice for me to pursue my passion, with my interest in how things work, my love for science, and my fascination with medicine since I was a little kid. I still haven’t figured out in what capacity I wish to continue though. At first I kept thinking specialize. Now my mind is set on more general practice, maybe not even being a full-time clinician if I can find other roles in the health care field where this dual degree can be better utilized. However, neither of those ideas can be considered my true calling. I’m afraid I won’t be able to figure that out until I figure myself out, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to figure myself out just for this statement.
I do feel hopeful, though. While motivation has wavered due to outside forces, the passion has never dissipated. The one value that I place on the happiness and satisfaction of others has never disappeared. The feeling that this career direction is the closest thing to right that I can think of has always stayed with me. And so here I stand, knowing but not knowing, hoping to one day figure it all out, but being comforted in the assurance that both my life goals and future career remain safe.
November 12th, 2007
Posted by goDWin at 02:14 AM on November 12, 2007.
growing up you have all these dreams, and it never once crosses your mind that things won't turn out as you hope.
i guess that's why i like to live in the past.
September 11th, 2007
six years
Posted by goDWin at 11:06 AM on September 11, 2007.
six years and nothing has changed. if anything, our nation and our world has gotten worse.
it's really sad.
i'm really hoping someone will give me reasons why i'm wrong on this.
August 14th, 2007
relationships
Posted by goDWin at 05:32 PM on August 14, 2007.
My (rather generic) thoughts on a post by Rammiegirl48 from awhile ago:
1. Do people end up settling even though they may tell themselves that they aren't?
“The next person I date I’m going to marry.” I’ve heard this one a lot. You get tired of playing the game, tired of getting hurt or causing hurt. I do think that some people end up doing this. What’s settling though? Is it waiting for the perfect person? In reality there are many people that we can be compatible with in our lives. There is no way to find out who the most compatible person in the world is for you, because you’re not going to meet everybody. Nobody is perfect, and I find often that people who keep holding out for Mr. or Mrs. Right are usually just waiting for illusions, gods and goddesses that can’t possibly exist because they are completely flawless. That’s just stupid.
2. Dating a stranger? Or dating a friend?
I think dating a friend is easier than dating a stranger because, like Rammiegirl says, a stranger can totally hide anything bad about themselves, and you’d never find out until you because more serious with that person. To be sure, friends can do it too…people act differently in relationships than in friendships all the time, but at least with a friend you know for the most part what you’re getting into. Not to mention the fact that you should be much more comfortable around your friend-turned-significant other than you would be around a stranger.
The downside? Loss of friendship, of course. Breaking up with a friend = bye bye friendship, or at least results in a pretty significant change.
Solution? Meet someone really cool, become fast friends, then date. Haha.
I actually don’t know.
3. Seeing is believing? Or will he/she just walk on by?
“I often wonder about this. What if the person you are next going to date or marry is right on the other end of the phone? Or right down the street? But you haven't met yet. Or what if it is that friend of a friend?”
If someone asked me five years ago where I’d be right now relationship-wise, I would have said “Engaged to Virginia, with a wedding date approaching fast.” I didn’t even know the next two people I’d have a serious relationship with existed. So while it sorta weirds me out to think that the person I’m gonna marry might be a total stranger right now, or might be just an acquaintance, it’s obviously pretty normal. At the same time I could already know this person really well. Who really knows though.
For whatever reason, I feel like I had a lot more to say about this stuff than I actually put down. It’s like I brain-farted on these topics. It’s probably the heat.